Why I would not visit an astrologer...

No I'm not so arrogant to say that its all mumbo-jumbo. Neither can I say I'm not curious. Nor am I so secured in my present moment, that sometimes I would not wonder "Ah if only I knew what lies ahead"! But in spite of the occasional temptations, I feel a very strong inner resistance to anything that deals with fortune telling. And these are my reasons.

Firstly, I feel there is something right about the way we are kind of stuck in the present moment. In spite of all the burden of past memories we carry, there is an undeniable feeling of optimism in our heart. In spite of our past failures, there is something inside that tells us may be this time we would succeed. In spite of all the disappointments, we are not so disheartened so as to give up another try. Tomorrow always seems to hold a better promise than yesterday. This intrinsic optimism, I believe is built into our system, so as to give us the strength to pull ourselves up and carry on, even in the face of dire difficulties. Obviously there are a few who find the strain of the present moment so unbearable that they give up- but aren't they the exceptions rather than the rule? Life often comes across as a sea of mundaneness and indifference, if not hostility, where we frequently find ourselves submerged and struggling, but somehow we assure ourselves that there is a westerly wind of good tidings heading our way, which will keep us afloat, if not take us ashore, someday. Would unshackled knowledge of the future not rob us of this indefatigable source of strength and hope we carry in our bosom?

Secondly, I find it a highly odd if not impossible to reconcile my faith in Divinity and the Theory of Karma with the desire to know what lies ahead in the hope of adjusting it, if not changing it completely. I believe that whatever I face today and whatever I will have to face tomorrow are only reactions to my past actions. This is the unalterable and un-exonerative law of Karma. What lies ahead I cannot change, but the test of my faith in Divinity lies in how courageously and with how much equanimity I face them, with the awareness that it is I alone who have constructed them with with the web of my past thoughts, words and deeds. Grounded in this belief, would it not be totally absurd to consult an astrologer to know if stellar movements are responsible for all my woes and worries and wear colorful stones as remedial measures? Few things surprise me more than the oddity of co-existence of faith in Divinity and astrology, that I come across so often in so many people, blissfully unaware of the inherent contradiction!

And lastly, deep in my heart something prods me not to take life as seriously as we tend to take most of the time. Even a cursory comparison on the scale of our existence with that of the expansive universe would reveal to us how utterly insignificant we are in the grand scheme of things. It would reveal how puerile it is to give the inordinate amount of importance we attribute to our lives and its trappings, when truly its not worth even a trifle, once all of existence is taken into account. It would reveal how delusionally inflated our sense of self and ego is, that we can't but laugh at the stupidity of it. Even a little pondering on this line would make us realize that in stead of the importance and centrality we have accorded to our lives, at the end of the day, life is nothing but a game, to be played by the rules, enjoy the thrill, and return home when the play is over. What fun will be left of it if we get to know the scorecard before hand?

Submission!

My passions plunder my heart,

My eyes long for trash,

Ashamed I am of my hidden desires,

Afraid of the fire getting covered with filthy ash!

The instincts interred deep inside,

The tendencies lurking below the surface,

All my efforts, all my worship,

How weak you are in their face!

In this battle I long for You o Lord,

Not only for words, but also for strength..

By myself I can only go so far,

Protect me from myself!

Window or Mirror?

The other day we had cross-cultural training at our office. The main intention was to orient us, the employees to a global work-place, to implant in our awareness the sensitivity required in dealing with global counterparts, to sensitize us about the different contexts and cultural experiences that shape us and the people with whom we interact and how that seeps into our inter-personal engagements, often subconsciously, both at the professional as well as at the personal level.

We were told how the way we dress, what we eat, the idioms we use in our conversations- in one word,what we mean by "culture", is only the tip of an ice-berg-a very small fraction of what culture really is. Most of it lies hidden below the surface. The religion, the politics, the geography, the history-that is the stuff culture is really made up of. Is it any wonder that the very phrase "tip of an ice-berg" hardly has a counterpart in any of the Indian languages, copious as they are in their collection of idioms and metaphors?

One interesting thing that came out of the training was that when we label and describe an alien culture, or for that matter even another person, how subconsciously we reveal more of ourselves and our culture than that of our subject. When we say "Americans are very punctual", doesn't it mean that for an average Indian punctuality is still a matter of aspiration? When an American gets startled about our extended families, isn't it that it is their notion of family that comes out? Is not all our judgements and opinions of other people a function of who we are rather than an objective statement on them?

We were shown three pictures one after another and told to see how we reacted to them. One was what looked like a call center work-place, where scores of employees were busy with their work in their boxed cubicles. The isolation and staidness of the place was more than evident. The second picture was that of an old rustic lady, in her indigenous attire, awkwardly holding a cell-phone, but totally submerged in a conversation. The third was a picture of a group of carefree urchins, with twinkling eyes and an infectious, enviable joy splashed on their face. Their dusty if not impoverished surrounding, it seems, have totally failed to have any effect on their cherubic spirit. We were asked what we made of those pictures. And interestingly, each one of us had our own take on the pictures. While the call-center office space reminded some of a night-job culture, for another it brought out a sense of alienation and boredom. To one girl the picture of the old lady was reminiscent of her old grandma, while in total contrast to someone else it was the story of diffusion of technology in rural India. The children with their innocent smiles reminded some of their own childhood and a sparked a longing to be there once again.

Curiously it was evident that the pictures represented a different story, a different meaning, evidenced a different reaction in each one of us. So the pictures that we saw, were they windows to the outside world, or were they more like mirrors, reflecting back to us our own experiences, our memories and our deepest desires?

What is true for the pictures, is it also not mostly true for the world around us?

Coming back...

It's been sometime since I have come to this space. The initial motive and inspiration for this blog having dissipated I needed something else to motivate to come back here. All this while life has meandered around myriad events, different people, varying states of mind. But the perennial continuity that mysteriously binds all things together, isn't it more real than all the change and flux?

Now that I am back, I wish to orient this space as a medium of my self-expression. My dreams and thoughts, my hopes and aspirations, my expectations and heartbreaks, my confusions and realizations, would it not be fascinating to record them for posterity? If life is a journey, then this will be my travelogue. If life is a game, then this will be my commentary. If life is a dream, then this will be my dream-scape.

Prayer

Prayer is when I become aware of You, my Lord-
Prayer is when I feel its time to have a word.

Prayer is when I am weary, and I have no one else to turn to,
Prayer is when life is scary, and I have missed a step or two.

Prayer is when my heart is full, my eyes moist with tears,
Prayer is a silent "thank you", a knowledge that my Sai always hears!

Seva

Seva is when you find yourself in the eyes of others, 
Seva is when you are convinced that we are all brothers.

Seva is when your heart rejoices to see that smile,
Seva is when to remove a tear you go that extra mile.

Seva is, not asking why, when and what.
Seva is an expression of Love, it is beyond your thought.

Seva is what fills your heart, and your soul feels complete.
Seva is when you know, you are but an instrument and it was but Sai's deed.

Faith

Faith is the bird
That feels the light
And sings when
The dawn is still dark.

-Tagore.