A moment of lucidity...

          I was standing by the bus stop, like I do every day of the week, waiting for my office bus to come. To be honest, I was becoming a little impatient and badly wanted it to come as soon as possible, so that I can escape into its quiet air-conditioned space, away from the dust, heat and chaos that seemed to swirl all around me in that corner of the street. 


          The road in front of me was teeming with faces, making me feel as if half of Hyderabad has converged there. Though it was just ten in the morning, most of them already looked tired and weary. But in most of them, I could also discern a sense of quiet determination and a steely sense of purpose. Each of those faces, I surmised, must be clothing a mind, preoccupied with the intensity of their own narratives. And as this idea developed in my mind with all its implications, not only did I find it a revelation, but also redeeming!


          In a flash of a moment, I realized the complete fallacy and sheer absurdity of my self-pity, bitterness and a sense of betrayal with which I was approaching the many things that were happening around me. My helplessness was accentuated by the fact that there was little I could do to change or alter the chain of events, almost bordering on insanity, I was finding myself hemming me from all sides. Though I resisted every attempt to give into a sense of despair and dejection, a feeling of rancor would swell within me whenever I would dwell on the unfairness and unjustness of it all. 


        But on that morning, in all that chaos and confusion, submerged in an unknown crowd of humanity, a calm and contentment descended on my mind. And in that moment of unexpected lucidity, I realized how foolish it would be to depend on things, people and situations to make me happy. How futile it is to expect this world pulsating with a few billion souls, all entrapped in their own stories of woes and worries, to single me out, a puny speck of an individual, and relieve me of all my imagined feelings of pain and hurt. Every moment I loose in feelings of resentment and indignation, I have failed to appreciate the beauty and joy of life itself. The greatest miracle I have always held is to be alive and feel the throbbing force of life coursing through one’s veins. What can be more beautiful and exhilarating than accepting the incredible blessing of life itself with all it has to offer? 


       In the end, I realized, it’s a lonely world. And it is only up to me, how I choose to make the best of the time allotted to me by the unseen hands of destiny. At times we can choose the things we do, and at other times when there is little we can do, we can still choose the way we react to the things that happen to us.


 One alone is responsible for one's state of mind. No one and nothing else matters. 

उद्धरेदात्मनात्मानं नात्मानमवसादयेत् |

    आत्मैव ह्यात्मनो बन्धुरात्मैव रिपुरात्मनः ||

One should raise oneself through the self,

and never lower oneself;

For the self alone is one's friend,

And the self alone is one's enemy.

Bhagawad Gita 6:5.

From Form to Formless...

       Today is Mother Eashwaramma day. The day when 39 years ago, the Avatar's chosen mother shed her physical coil. The day which since then has been celebrated as one dedicated to the "Chosen Mother", in gratitude, for conferring on mankind the greatest gift- the avatar of the age, the most beautiful of all human forms, the very embodiment of all that is auspicious, truth and beauty. And on this day, I have chosen to write down about the passing away of that amazing beautiful form, the form that captivated millions for over eight decades, the form that gave strength and solace untiringly to hundreds of thousands, the form that inspired love, purity and selflessness in thousands on a scale that the world has never seen. The form that claimed to be the "embodiment of all forms of divinity"- sarva-devata-swaroopa. The form that was my anchor, my rock of Gibraltar, my most cherished object on the face of this planet. That form is no more. Or should I write, that form chose to transcend to become formless. That form, which was described as "ocean in a ink bottle", chose to break free and again become the boundary-less all encompassing ocean. But what ever I might say, the passing away of that form will leave behind a gaping hole in the hearts of the millions who had the greatest good fortune to have come to His presence, to have been touched by His inexpressible sweetness. 

    Swami, you will be dearly dearly missed, though we know You will continue to live in the deepest recesses of our hearts, and around us as the Cosmic Sai.

They declared it on April 24th:

Bhagawan Sri Sathya Sai Baba is no more with us physically. He left His earthly body on 24th April, 2011, at 0740 hrs. due to cardio-respiratory failure.

Bhagawan Baba's Body will lie in state at Sai Kulwant Hall for two days (Monday and Tuesday). Arrangements will be made for Darshan after 1800 hrs. today, at Sai Kulwant Hall.

     And with this declaration, curtain came down not only to the most amazing phenomenon on the planet, but also to the earnest prayers in the heart of the millions, who fervently hoped and prayed their dearest Swami will not disappoint them and pull His self up from the hospital bed and be in their midst again. But it turned out the Avatar had chosen a different plan for Himself.

     A week before He was hospitalized because of His irregular heart beat, on March 20th, He folded His hands in a gesture of thanking to the assembled devotees in Sai Kulwant Hall. With this one gesture of Namaskar, of gratitude, of a final good bye, or perhaps apologizing to all His millions of devotees- that it is time now to put an end to His self-imposed limitations and return to His formless infinite state, a gesture he had never ever done before, he conveyed so much. It reveals that this was exactly how the Avatar willed it. That this was part of the master-plan. That this was not outside the script the Avatar had wrote for Himself. That He was till the end in complete control.


 During the preparation of His 85th birthday last November, he gave indication to make all the arches and decorations to be made of a permanent nature, unlike previous years, when they were made only for the occasion to be brought down after the celebrations. Such were the Divine hints of the imminent exit. But poor hapless humans that we are, we failed to look through the Divine Plan.

        I was talking with my mother over phone, and constantly refreshing the www.radiosai.org and the www.sssbpt.org on that fateful Saturday night (It was Sunday morning in India). Usually they put that day's morning health bulletin by 830-845 pm our time (I was in Arizona, USA, in PST time zone). But that evening it was almost 9 15 pm , and there was no update. I started to have a bad feeling, when soon I discovered that they have declared Swami was physically no more.For sometime I went blank. I did not know how to react, what to react. A feeling  of utter despair and sorrow engulfed me, and my heart wanted to burst out crying. But not a drop of tear flowed out of my tear-ducts, as if all the fluids in my body had dried up. 

    Swami's passing was the only news on all the channels, all over India. What Swami did not do in His life, with all His mega service projects, with all His Divine display of superhuman powers, He did that in His shedding of the physical form. Sai's name resonated from every home, from every corner of the country of 1.2 Billion. Nay from all parts of the world. All major newspaper all around the world reported on Him. The little boy of a god-forbidden nondescript Rayalseema village, was hailed as the Avatar of the Age, and seemed to have plunged the entire planet into mourning. The hundreds of thousands of people from all walks of life, the Presidents and the Prime-ministers, the cricketing gods and the silver-screen divas, the yoga gurus and the corporate honchos, all were united in their grief and paying obeisance to the One who was so many things to so many people. When was the last time humanity saw such unity of purpose on one man’s passing?

     For me those moments that I was supremely blessed to be in His presence will remain my most precious possessions for all the time to come. They will be my shield in times of challenge, my source of inspiration when I'll be in gloom, most cherished memories etched in my consciousness till my last breath. They will be the memories that I will relive with my friends and family, children and grandchildren,  when they will be awed and incredulous listening to those marvelous mind-boggling stories. 


    Swami, may those memories remain as fresh as ever, may time have no influence on them, may I feel your touch and your Love that I saw in your eyes for ever and ever, may those amazing words in your amazing inimitable voice ever ring on my ears. May I remain always aware of your all encompassing Presence. For ever and ever. 

-May 6, 2011.

Kahaani

      


       

     A slow slumbering Saturday was once again upon me.  The week had left me exhausted.  The difficulties that had fallen on me, I was too tired to even complain about their unfairness. The loss of trust and betrayal had left a bitter taste in my mouth. As the solitary shaft of the morning light slipped into my room through the creaks in the window, I sat up clumsily, whispering a silent prayer and trying to think of the day ahead. Instead my mind fleeted backwards (Ah! the mind! When will it ever listen to me?!) to the days when things were different, when people were different, when Saturdays were different. I tried not to feel bad about them. I tried not to feel bitter. I tried not to feel terrible. My mind, surprisingly, listened to me for once.


Feeling the menacing morning heat all over my body, I stepped out of my bed wondering whether I should pamper myself with an AC this summer. The heat and the summer reminded me of my year in Arizona! Oh how I loved complaining about its heat! I found it strange, as much as I complained about the intolerable mercury level of the Grand Canyon State of USA, it was not without a touch of fondness. 


I turned the newspaper munching on my break-fast, clearly my mind pre-occupied with a hundred things. These days my mind remains occupied with so many things! I tried to pay attention to the comments on Pranab babu’s budget by the financial pundits. But soon the mind escaped again. Ah! the mind!


I sat staring at my lap-top. I played some music, and soon my room was filled with soothing vibrations. Alone in my room, I felt liberated. I felt a strange satisfaction and a power of conviction. The dark lumbering clouds that filled my mind over the last few days, something deep inside assured me will dissolve soon.  Feeling much lighter and better, I decided for Kahani  in the evening. 


Kahani- I’ve heard enough good things about it to wean me away from my instinctive hesitation for a Bollywood movie. The setting being Calcutta, the gorgeous Vidya Balan being the protagonist, the fast-paced thriller being the theme- all of it sounded like a delicious combination. And as luck would have it I got a good corner seat right at the back when I booked my ticket online.


And what a movie it was! Watching it I soon found myself back in the all so familiar grimy streets of the City of Joy, my own Calcutta!  It is now my seventh year that I am staying away from her. Watching the movie made me realize how deeply I am still connected to her, in spite of my never ending complains and grudges. The noise, the warmth, the rain, the clouds, all felt like an extension of my ownself, which in the din of things I almost forgot. The women wrapped in saris, exactly the way I see my mother wearing it, I felt as if I have known them forever.  The crowded streets, the chai wallahs, the narrow alleys, the glistening faces- all took me back to the time when they were so familiar that  I hardly noticed them. And yes, how can I forget the Durga Puja! The annual advent of the Divine Mother fills the air of Calcutta with a festivity that only a Calcuttan can feel and connect to. The flashing lights, the splendid pandals, the wide-eyed bejeweled idols of Ma Durga, showering un-inhibitedly  her divine benedictions on all her children, the defiant spirit of exhilaration in an otherwise capricious city, all of that came rushing back to me. After all these years.


But what filled my heart, in this season of betrayal and ingratitude is that the power of love is still the strongest. It can fill the spirit with so much resilience, that even the most insurmountable hurdles fizzles away when faced with it. The strength that wells up in the heart, pure and unsullied, what can stand in its way? The inevitability of what is right and goodness to prevail over what is wrong and unjust,  I walked out of the dark theater into the bright multiplex, once again reassured of this faith. I could hear Tagore's immortal lines "Jodi tor daak shune keu na ashe tobe ekla cholo re" (If no one heeds to your call, then walk alone!) as it  floated out of the theater before getting drowned in the cheerful chattering.

A response to Vir Sanghvi's allegations on Sathya Sai Baba

This is a letter written to Mr. Vir Sanghvi in response to his article on Satya Sai Baba in 2006 that appeared in his column Counterpoint. I happened to chance on it again today and thought of sharing it. I did not get any reply from him. Today Vir Sanghvi remains embroiled and discredited after the Nira Radia case, while Satya Sai Baba has attained Mahasamadhi and ever since has been hailed as a Divine Incarnation by more and more people and His unimaginable contribution to Humanity finding ever increasing recognition. He continues to guide and inspire millions of His devotees to become better human beings.

Dear Mr. Sanghvi,

      I don't know whether I should write this email to you in the first place. I had and perhaps still have a high regard for your views on a wide range of issues. I find them well nuanced, filled with conviction, and most importantly refreshingly unbiased and to a large extent unopinionated . But your recent column on Sri Satya Sai Baba has completely dissappointed me. It seemed reading your article that you are somehow deeply disturbed by the growing following of Sai Baba and have an urgency to express your displeasure without trying to understand why and how he became what he is considered to be - a divine incarnation worshipped and revered by millions all across the world.

    Your column has three main allegations against him.


    1. The homosexual allegations.
    2. His alleged miracles.
    3. If he is God why doesn't he do this, this and this.

   Let me take them one by one.


   1. Homosexual allegations :
      
Satya Sai Baba declared his Divine Mission at the age of 14 in the remote remote village of his birth, Puttaparthi in 1940. A westerner visiting in late 1960s described the village as "10 minutes past the stone age". Today his followers number a few millions. And the name and fame of that little hopeless hamlet has reached all corners of the planet. You mention rather ambiguously that the number of allegations against Baba have reached "triple figure mark". That means a few hundreds. Of course all those allegations have no verifiable evidence whatsoever, and almost never taken to any court of law. But even then, what is your source for such allegations Mr Sanghvi? All that you could scramble scourging the net using google search is that the number of allegations have reached "triple figure mark"! You also mention that all the allegations came from his Western "devotees" and not a single Indian. NO INDIANS. If there is any truth to those allegations then surely one would expect at least a few Indians to also have similar experiences to complain about? After all there were ONLY Indian devotees in the younger days of Sai Baba. The westerners started coming only from 1970s when Baba was in his 50s. There should have been a few. Right? But not even one!! If there can be cases against the Prime Ministers and Chief Ministers, of course somebody could have gone to court with these. But did anybody go to the court with these allegations Mr Sanghvi?


Yes of those "hundreds", on record ONLY ONE "devotee" of US went to court with these allegations. Did you keep this news? Do you know what happened?


  The young man who made most of these allegations against Satya Sai Baba and who was the star accuser in the malicious and vicious BBC documentary, filed a case in California in January, 2005. 
The case was set for hearing on April 28 th, 2006. 
During the handling of the lawsuit, witnesses were identified and interviewed, who were present in Prashanti Nilayam, when the molestations alleged by the plaintiff were supposed to have taken place. 
One of the witnesses, Mr. Kreydick was examined by lawyers and the proceedings were recorded on video tape. This happened on March 16 th, 2006 . Subsequently, the video deposition was made into a typed deposition, which Mr. Kreydick signed on April 7 th, 2006 . He also issued a personal statement to the effect that although he originally believed in the allegations made against Sai Baba, he later discovered that there were many critical discrepancies and contradictions in the allegations made by the plaintiff and the anti-Sai community in general. His said that all these allegations had a hidden bias. He therefore retracted his earlier position in support of the allegations. 
This marked the turning point. The young man who filed the complaint then dismissed his own lawsuit on April 19 th, 2006.

The case was then dismissed with prejudice. It means no damages to the plaintiff, and that the case can never be filed again in any court in America or in India.


Its sorry the google searches you did never came up with this information.
Well Goebles was right in a limited sense. If you can repeat the same lie again and again it becomes a truth. At least to some! And I am so sorry Mr Sanghvi you fell for the trap. It was not at all expected from you.

I think thats enough on the first allegation. If you care to know the truth, be truthful to yourself and find out for yourself what is the truth out there. Who are spreading these misinformations. Which people are funding. And why they are doing this.
Try to find out who are these people who are harping these false allegations. There is a common element to all of them . You will then see why its the way it is.


2. Miracles


  Well Sai Baba has made it clear many times the so called miracles are only a very small part of his reality. Sadly his overenthusiastic devotees give them more importance than his teachings. But thats beside the point. Lets adress the issue squarely.


You said that "The sad reality of the Sai Baba's 'miracles' is that every single one of them can easily be duplicated by even a moderately-talented conjuror." If it was so simple, our country if not the whole world would have been dotted by Sai Babas! At least there would have been a few thousand free super-speciality hospitals and universities. If it was so simple why only ONE Sai Baba? Now don't say he enjoys political clout. He started as a simple village boy born in desperately poor conditions, with only middle school education, and absolutely no connection to the high and mighty. The powerful started coming only much later when the amazing stories about Him started making rounds . But today He is the spiritual leader with millions of followers coming from all kinds of back grounds from all over the world? Can you tell me ONE more "miracle-monger" who have achieved this in the history of mankind?


I am pretty sure dear Mr. Sanghvi you have never seen the Baba. It is not his miracles that brings millions to him. Its not vibhootis or watches. Its not even vibhuti and a host of other kind of materializations that reportedly takes place in his photographs all over the world. There are many sages and saints even now in our country who have their siddhic or yogic powers which would appear to us as super-natural. Read "Autobiography of a Yogi"by Paramhamsa Yogananda. You will understand what I am saying. Miracle-men are not new to our country. But still we have only ONE Satya Sai Baba. Do you know why? Visit him once if you are at all interested. You will understand.


You can fool a few for a few years by cheap magic tricks. What is it the mystery by which Baba has endured all the vicious attacks over the last 8 decades? Why inspite of all the scepticism from different quarters he is pulling more and more people from all walks of life to Him and his Divine mission?  Only by trash magic? C'mon Mr Sanghvi you cannot be serious!

3. If he is God why doesn't he do this, this and this.

 At last you have a serious point!


 I don't know if you believe in the existence of God. If you do the question doesn't make any sense. Even if I accept your view that Sai Baba is not divine, then what about the God whom you believe? Why does not He/She/It solve the problems of life on earth? This is an old philosophical qiestion. And I am sure you know the answers from both sides of the divide.


If you don't believe in God...then what more can I say? Why only Sai Baba, Jesus, Nanak, Krishna, RamaKrishna  and all of them were hoaxes!


You say why doesn't he cure himself. Why did not jesus , being the "son of God" save himself? Why did Paramahamsa Ramakrishna  not cure his cancer? He said he talks with the divine mother! Surely she clould have cured him, if not he  himself! The matter is much more profound than that Mr. Sanghvi.  Physical sufferring is inevitable as long as the body is there. The divine beings teach us with their lives. Their life is their message. There have been thousands of well documented cases of healings done by Satya Sai Baba, only if you cared to find out. But he chooses not to heal his body. Because he wants his devotees to rise above the level of body-consciousness. I don't know if you will get me. Anyways.

Dear Mr. Sanghvi. I am 25,pursuing my PhD in Statistics from university of California. I grew up in the same city that you grew up in , Calcutta. I went to Don Bosco School. The reason I am saying this is because please try to understand why  me and thousands of young persons like me look up to Satya Sai Baba  as a beacon of Hope for mankind, a source of motivation and inspiration to serve the society, to foster brotherhood and love. It is  not the watches or the Vibhutis, Mr Sanghvi.


You have mentioned about his social service programes. I am aware of RK Mission. I am greatly devoted to Ramakrishna Paramahamsa and Swami Vivekananda. And I hate to compare. But Mr. Sanghvi, RK Mission gained the stature it did  after almost half a  century of the passing away of Swami Vivekananda and even then have you seriously objectively considered and compared the Projects undertaken by Satya Sai Baba with that of RK Mission or for that matter any Non-governmental sector organization? If you really did, you could not come up with such a preposterous statement! The projects of Sai Baba are all inspired by him, executed by him and offered to the service of mankind in his very lifetime, involving thousands of crores of rupees and bringing together thousands of men inspiring them to work selflessly in a scale seldom seen before in the annals of history! Have you pondered on that for a few seconds Mr Sanghvi?


    Can you tell me ONE Superspeciality hospital which offers the best of medical treatments TOTALLY FREE OF COST anywhere acorss this world? Can you tell me of ONE organisation which got life altering fresh drinking water to thousands of villages in the most arid regions quenching the thirsts of millions? Can you tell me of ONE Educational institution which has been offering the best education from kindergarten level to post graduation level in arts, commerce and sciences completely free of cost!! Anywhere in this world? By any organisation? Can you tell me of one other spiritual master who has a following of millions spread over more than 180 countries without ever making a visit outside India save for a lone visit to Africa in the 1960s?

And you still think its all cheap magic?

You have been a wonderful newsperson. I really look forward to your columns every week. But I don't know if I can again read your columns with the same appreciation as before.  It does not matter to us who have or do not have faith in Satya Sai Baba, in what you or the whole world writes about him, or what you or anybody else who have not experienced him think him to be. Our faith stems from a deeper source, of our own authentic deeply personal experience of him. And it is reassured every day in a myriad of ways. I do not expect you or anybody else who have not made the effort to experience him get it. But we definitely wish more and more people could live in the same hope, in the same love and in the same truth, that millions of us do. If only they were sincere in finding out!


Only then you would understand why millions wait for hours  to have just a glimpse of their  beloved Baba. And loves him more than anything else.



Thank you,
Debarshi Dey.

A trip to the Zoo!

     It was a sunny February Saturday at Hyderabad and there was ample indication to get prepared for an oppressive impending summer.  My company had organized a day out to the zoo with about a hundred not so fortunate kids from a local government school as part of a community involvement drive. As soon as I got the email asking for volunteers for this activity, I registered in no time!  I later found out more than seventy associates wanted to be a part of this, but only the first twenty who registered got the opportunity.  And indeed my promptness paid off and I was one of lucky twenty!




      This was one of the most convenient volunteering activities I ever participated. An Indica picked me up from home. By the time I was at the zoo, the snacks and the drinks for us and the kids have already been arranged. Most of the volunteers had already reached, and it comprised mostly of young bright faces, most likely unencumbered by weekend family chores! We had to wait for some time for the kids to arrive, and I filled up my time by giving free advice to an young associate.  Let me assure you it was not unsolicited.




Seeing the Nehru Zoo of Hyderabad, the images of the San Diego Zoo which I visited a few months ago came gushing in. Obviously the later covered a much larger expanse, with a more diverse animal life in its collection and a much more visitor friendly set-up.  The cool winds from the Pacific and the deep blue sky wonderfully complemented the lush green foliage of that zoo. 


  
Soon the kids arrived in their green checkered shirts and navy blue pants and the air filled up with their excited chirpings. Most of them were just short of their adolescence.  But in spite of their excitement and unruly age, they were surprisingly well behaved! They formed neat lines and followed instructions without much demur. We divided them into groups of ten or twelve and we split ourselves into pairs and attached ourselves with each group. 




Once inside the zoo, we did away with the map and decided just to follow the trails instinctively and find out what all encounters with our wild brethren crosses our path! And to start that list, we were greeted by little black turtles with glistening bony shells, swimming indifferently in the turquoise pools. Next we saw red-faced baboons, bored with their surroundings, sitting high up on the branches, their long tail hanging listlessly. The apes might have been bored, but not the children! They all climbed over each other and the fencing walls, noticing every small detail of the animal! Only if the baboon knew he had evinced so much interest in his more evolved counterparts!




Soon we were face to face with a Royal Bengal Tiger, marooned in an island ringed off with a pool just large enough to keep us beyond his reach.  I always wondered what if he really decided to go for that long jump.  But thankfully he was in no mood for such (mis)adventure and instead solemnly, in his characteristic majestic gait, paced up and down, a few yards in each direction, evidently preoccupied contemplating on some matter of grave importance! But all its seriousness got belied when we saw another one of its kind (was it his cousin?) comfortably perched up in the branches of a tree, snoring away in the warm, comfortable shade!  Its total lack of any care and concern in the world did make me feel a tinge envious!  The kids loved both of them!




Next we spotted scores of deer with their slender body, kind eyes, gorgeous hoofs, dotting a wide expanse. But not much was going on there and we decided it was time for a quick bite and a little rest in the shade!

On our way, we met our winged friends next. The baby ostriches were as curious as the kids. Seeing us by the edge of their fenced dwelling, they came running in their furry bodies, large eyes, and broad black beaks. I wondered what would be the size of an ostrich egg! A little away were their parents in black wings and white bodies, huge in size, standing unconcerned with the characteristic adult smugness writ all over them! We saw colorful emus caged in. We saw flamingos standing on their one legs, the other leg tucked inside their curled up bodies, but their color rather dull compared to the bright red ones that I saw in US. The white pea-cocks strutted about proudly, with a lovely feathery crest atop its head! The parakeets in their bright green plumage were also a sight to see! I remembered once having seen a school of parakeets flying across the sky, their bright green colors contrasting the green trees behind! How much more beautiful they looked in that natural setting!

As we strolled on, by now our feet a little tired, we came across a pair of tall but lazy giraffes, chewing away a bunch of leaves. We spotted a bloated black hippopotamus rolling in the mud. We saw a pair of open-mouthed crocodiles, lying completely immobile by a pool of mossy water.We saw a few wily foxes looking suspiciously at us.  But the most entertaining were the burly bears, swaying their bodies as if to some latest bollywood number, and posing for the camera all on two legs as soon as we pointed our lens towards them! The kids were over-joyed!




Then we found ourselves in front of the reptile house. The snakes as always evinced much interest! There is something surreal about their slithering undulating movements, their smooth slippery bodies, their flickering forked tongues and their motionless eyes, that makes them attractive in some strange other worldly way! We saw a variety of them boxed in separate compartments through the safety of the glass panes. 




We also entered the dark confines of the nocturnal animals! In the dimly lit space we saw owls, wild cats, bats and few other species of the night, and wondered how varied the life forms are not only in their physical appearances but also in their behaviors!




By now we were quite exhausted and though large sections of the zoo remained unexplored, we had to keep it that way till our next visit! A few of the kids were disheartened to have given the elephants a miss this time! 

Yes the kids! I have mentioned about their surprisingly good behavior, but over the course of the day,  I also found out how good hearted they were! These kids perhaps come from some of the poorest families of the city. Some of them did not have even a pair of chappals to cover their feet from the unforgiving roads! Yet all I could see in their eyes was a deep gratitude and appreciation for the few hours we spent with them.  Throughout the day the kids took their turn to keep my hands tightly clasped by their little fingers, and the moment one of them left it, someone else came running to catch hold of them. Whenever they spotted an animal they made sure I spotted it too! Even before I could ask them to be in the group, they made sure they never fell out. Even when they wanted to attend nature’s call or were thirsty, they made that known in the gentlest of ways! And what touched me most was when we distributed some snacks, they made sure I had my bit too. When one of the kid noticed that I was left with no biscuit for myself after distributing all that I had, he came forward  to me and insisted I have one of his, almost feeding me with his own hands.  What can be more humbling? Once more life taught me that to be poor in possession can be no pre-condition for being poor in spirit!




On my way home, sitting in the Indica, I had a deep feeling of gratitude towards these kids. How would they know how much joy, innocence and love they have shared in these few hours? No doubt they will go back to their little homes a little happier than they came, but what is more certain is that I will be going back to my home much more richer in spirit. The warmth of the Sun fades in comparison to the warmth of affection I felt from these little children. This was perhaps the best trip to the zoo I ever made. And most certainly much better than the one I made to the cool, comfortable and corporatized San Diego Zoo!

Going back home!

What do we want from life, judging not by our words but by our actions?

Very simple, basic things, common to all.  

We want to love and to be loved.

We want happiness and fulfillment, though we may have differing ideas of what that means.

We want a place in life, a way of belonging, a sense of purpose, the achievement of worthy goals – whatever it takes; otherwise life is an empty show.

And, of course, we want never to die.

These yearnings are not wrong, then.  What happens is that we interpret them wrongly.

They are messages from the spirit which have somehow got scrambled by the world of matter, and we lack the decoder by which to understand. That scrambling is what Hindu mysticism means by the much-misunderstood word maya: the wishful, willful illusion that the thirst in our hearts is physical and can somehow be slaked by physical experience.

We wander searching for the right things in the wrong places, seeking Eden in the world of the senses, and life itself seems to delight in frustrating us.

“The soul is a pilgrim,” said John Ruysbroeck, one of the great Rhineland mystics who succeeded Eckhart, “for it sees its country.”

But until we glimpse our “soul’s true home,” we are not so much pilgrims as tourists. Being a traveler is one thing, but no one really likes to be a tourist. Nothing is ever quite right: the food, the beds, the chairs, the customs. We shake our heads and mutter under our breath the universal tourist’s complaint: “Back home…”

In everyone there is this inward tug, this call to return. But because we are turned outward, our hearing gets confused. The call seems to be coming from outside. What we seek is always just around the corner…and when we reach the corner, it has ducked out of sight down the block. Yet human nature is so strong that even after turning corners a thousand times, we still say, “The thousand and first – that’s going to be the one!” Life becomes a pilgrimage around corners.

But there comes a time when corners no longer beckon. We know from bitter experience that they only hide blind alleys. This juncture is critical; for once one reaches it, nothing on earth can satisfy for long. Those with drive may plunge into restless activity. The more frustrated they feel, the more things they try – globe-trotting, solo climbing, cars, clothes, casinos, commodities futures. But the desire to wrest meaning from life only grows more urgent as frustration mounts.

  Later, looking back, this utter restlessness may prove to be the first touch of what traditional religion calls grace. It means that a person has grown too big to be satisfied with petty satisfactions that come and go. But the crisis is real. If we do not understand the message, frustration can turn desperate of self-destructive – not only for an individual, but for a whole society. Each age has its own kind of suffering, the natural consequences of mistaken values it pursues, and the suffering of our industrial age is loneliness, alienation, and despair. Alienation can cause terrible harm; for it is when we feel isolated and alone that we lose sensitivity to others, and obsession with private desires and fears fills up our world. Walk the streets of any inner city today and you will see the fruits of separateness all around you, the anguish of a society in which even children and the aged are cut adrift and left on their own.

There comes a time in the growth of civilizations, as with individuals, when the life-and-death questions of material existence have been answered, yet the soul still thirsts and physical challenges cease to satisfy. Then we stand at a crossroads: for without meaningful aspiration, the human being turns destructive. Spiritual fulfillment is an evolutionary imperative. Like a snake that must shed its skin to grow, our industrial civilization must shed its material outlook or strangle in outgrown ideals whose constructive potential has been spent.

In the end, then, life itself turns us inward – “away from created things,” as Eckhart says, to “find our unity and blessing in that little spark in the soul.”

The end of the Fall is the Return. Alienation is the heartache of feeling out of place in a senseless universe. Its purpose is to turn us homeward, and all experience ultimately conspires to that end.” Whether you like it or not, whether you know it or not,” Eckhart assures us, “secretly Nature seeks and hunts and tries to ferret out the track in which God may be found.”

  This is a most compassionate view of human nature.

Even when we are busy accumulating possessions with which to feather our little nest, planning a hilltop castle with garage space for half a dozen new cars, Eckhart would say we are really looking for God. We think, “If I can fix up my place just right, with a little bar and sauna in my room and my own entertainment center at my fingertips, then I’ll feel at home!”

But we will never be at home except in Eden.

-Eknath Easwaran.

Hope, Courage, Conviction...

Last time I was there it appeared desolate, forlorn, and lifeless. My eyes pined to behold Him for one more time, get bewitched by his crown of hair and drenched in His heavenly beauty. But the cold white marble Mahasamadhi standing poignantly there in all its imperial majesty, silently yet strikingly proclaimed that those days of effortless darshans, those ecstatic thrills of stealing a glance, talking with Him, or perhaps handing Him a letter, are indeed over. That era had ended. A piercing pain wrenched my heart, when it finally dawned that I am never going to see Him again, ever. That beautiful form that took our breath away, that royal gait, that divine gesture which filled our heart with an indescribable rapture, we will never experience again. That inimitable and unimaginably sweet voice which expounded most intricate of concepts in deceptively simple ways, or sometimes just showered love and concern like no other, our ears will never hear again. That pure delight to be just in His presence would never be felt again. Last time when I was there I came back with my heart heavy, my mind over-shadowed with thoughts of separation.

Oh how terribly wrong I was!

This time as I entered the portals of the ashram, not only did those feelings of separation and loss cross my mind, but a myriad other questions evinced by my personal circumstances, clouded it even more. Will He be there to answer my questions like before? Will I return with my concerns gone, my confusions cleared? Earlier His one glance would transport me to a blissful state, instantly ridding me of all my miseries. Will that happen again?

 Oh how would He allay all my apprehensions, and emphatically make me aware of His ever enchanting presence!

It is true that my eyes did not see him like before, but how can I deny how intensely I felt His presence in everything I saw, in every direction I turned to? It is true He did not stretch His hand to take my letter this time, but how can I deny how He answered every prayer that rose in my heart? It is true I did not hear His sweet, comforting, reassuring voice like in the past, but how can I deny how I communed with Him for hours, until nothing more was left to be heard or asked? It is true His throne was empty, the white handkerchiefs fluttering listlessly. But how can I deny, the soft divine glow emanating from His pristine marble white Mahasamadhi, permeating the regal Hall with a surreal ethereal presence?

Oh how He loves us!

 Is it not His boundless love, that while walking absorbed in His thoughts in the sylvan lanes of the ashram, the sun quietly setting in the western horizon, suddenly I find myself surrounded by a fragrance, sweet, strong and yet sublime? Is it not His boundless compassion, that when my mind left me tired with all its myriads worries and woes, and I sighed in despair unable to take it anymore, offering it all to Him, suddenly, as if in a trice, all the doubts dissolve and the ceaseless chattering gets drowned in an ocean of tranquility? The concern and love I saw in His eyes ten years ago, which remain etched in my heart as my most cherished and treasured moments, did I not feel it again this time- to be submerged in His ever watchful eyes,  as He filled my heart with hope, courage and conviction?

The hope that He will always be there, a witness to our every passing thought, a listener to our every little entreaty. The courage to face the travails and tribulations of life boldly, never getting swayed by the apparent challenges and seeming calamities.  And a conviction that He is ever ready to lift us to soaring spiritual heights only if we have the wisdom to surrender ourselves completely and unconditionally to Him!

Our Beloved has not left us. How can He? Only now He wants us to seek Him where He truly resides- deep and secure in the inner recesses of our hearts. The bond of love that ties us is beyond the constraints of time and space. If there is anything in the world that is timeless and ageless, it is this!