Going back home!

What do we want from life, judging not by our words but by our actions?

Very simple, basic things, common to all.  

We want to love and to be loved.

We want happiness and fulfillment, though we may have differing ideas of what that means.

We want a place in life, a way of belonging, a sense of purpose, the achievement of worthy goals – whatever it takes; otherwise life is an empty show.

And, of course, we want never to die.

These yearnings are not wrong, then.  What happens is that we interpret them wrongly.

They are messages from the spirit which have somehow got scrambled by the world of matter, and we lack the decoder by which to understand. That scrambling is what Hindu mysticism means by the much-misunderstood word maya: the wishful, willful illusion that the thirst in our hearts is physical and can somehow be slaked by physical experience.

We wander searching for the right things in the wrong places, seeking Eden in the world of the senses, and life itself seems to delight in frustrating us.

“The soul is a pilgrim,” said John Ruysbroeck, one of the great Rhineland mystics who succeeded Eckhart, “for it sees its country.”

But until we glimpse our “soul’s true home,” we are not so much pilgrims as tourists. Being a traveler is one thing, but no one really likes to be a tourist. Nothing is ever quite right: the food, the beds, the chairs, the customs. We shake our heads and mutter under our breath the universal tourist’s complaint: “Back home…”

In everyone there is this inward tug, this call to return. But because we are turned outward, our hearing gets confused. The call seems to be coming from outside. What we seek is always just around the corner…and when we reach the corner, it has ducked out of sight down the block. Yet human nature is so strong that even after turning corners a thousand times, we still say, “The thousand and first – that’s going to be the one!” Life becomes a pilgrimage around corners.

But there comes a time when corners no longer beckon. We know from bitter experience that they only hide blind alleys. This juncture is critical; for once one reaches it, nothing on earth can satisfy for long. Those with drive may plunge into restless activity. The more frustrated they feel, the more things they try – globe-trotting, solo climbing, cars, clothes, casinos, commodities futures. But the desire to wrest meaning from life only grows more urgent as frustration mounts.

  Later, looking back, this utter restlessness may prove to be the first touch of what traditional religion calls grace. It means that a person has grown too big to be satisfied with petty satisfactions that come and go. But the crisis is real. If we do not understand the message, frustration can turn desperate of self-destructive – not only for an individual, but for a whole society. Each age has its own kind of suffering, the natural consequences of mistaken values it pursues, and the suffering of our industrial age is loneliness, alienation, and despair. Alienation can cause terrible harm; for it is when we feel isolated and alone that we lose sensitivity to others, and obsession with private desires and fears fills up our world. Walk the streets of any inner city today and you will see the fruits of separateness all around you, the anguish of a society in which even children and the aged are cut adrift and left on their own.

There comes a time in the growth of civilizations, as with individuals, when the life-and-death questions of material existence have been answered, yet the soul still thirsts and physical challenges cease to satisfy. Then we stand at a crossroads: for without meaningful aspiration, the human being turns destructive. Spiritual fulfillment is an evolutionary imperative. Like a snake that must shed its skin to grow, our industrial civilization must shed its material outlook or strangle in outgrown ideals whose constructive potential has been spent.

In the end, then, life itself turns us inward – “away from created things,” as Eckhart says, to “find our unity and blessing in that little spark in the soul.”

The end of the Fall is the Return. Alienation is the heartache of feeling out of place in a senseless universe. Its purpose is to turn us homeward, and all experience ultimately conspires to that end.” Whether you like it or not, whether you know it or not,” Eckhart assures us, “secretly Nature seeks and hunts and tries to ferret out the track in which God may be found.”

  This is a most compassionate view of human nature.

Even when we are busy accumulating possessions with which to feather our little nest, planning a hilltop castle with garage space for half a dozen new cars, Eckhart would say we are really looking for God. We think, “If I can fix up my place just right, with a little bar and sauna in my room and my own entertainment center at my fingertips, then I’ll feel at home!”

But we will never be at home except in Eden.

-Eknath Easwaran.

Hope, Courage, Conviction...

Last time I was there it appeared desolate, forlorn, and lifeless. My eyes pined to behold Him for one more time, get bewitched by his crown of hair and drenched in His heavenly beauty. But the cold white marble Mahasamadhi standing poignantly there in all its imperial majesty, silently yet strikingly proclaimed that those days of effortless darshans, those ecstatic thrills of stealing a glance, talking with Him, or perhaps handing Him a letter, are indeed over. That era had ended. A piercing pain wrenched my heart, when it finally dawned that I am never going to see Him again, ever. That beautiful form that took our breath away, that royal gait, that divine gesture which filled our heart with an indescribable rapture, we will never experience again. That inimitable and unimaginably sweet voice which expounded most intricate of concepts in deceptively simple ways, or sometimes just showered love and concern like no other, our ears will never hear again. That pure delight to be just in His presence would never be felt again. Last time when I was there I came back with my heart heavy, my mind over-shadowed with thoughts of separation.

Oh how terribly wrong I was!

This time as I entered the portals of the ashram, not only did those feelings of separation and loss cross my mind, but a myriad other questions evinced by my personal circumstances, clouded it even more. Will He be there to answer my questions like before? Will I return with my concerns gone, my confusions cleared? Earlier His one glance would transport me to a blissful state, instantly ridding me of all my miseries. Will that happen again?

 Oh how would He allay all my apprehensions, and emphatically make me aware of His ever enchanting presence!

It is true that my eyes did not see him like before, but how can I deny how intensely I felt His presence in everything I saw, in every direction I turned to? It is true He did not stretch His hand to take my letter this time, but how can I deny how He answered every prayer that rose in my heart? It is true I did not hear His sweet, comforting, reassuring voice like in the past, but how can I deny how I communed with Him for hours, until nothing more was left to be heard or asked? It is true His throne was empty, the white handkerchiefs fluttering listlessly. But how can I deny, the soft divine glow emanating from His pristine marble white Mahasamadhi, permeating the regal Hall with a surreal ethereal presence?

Oh how He loves us!

 Is it not His boundless love, that while walking absorbed in His thoughts in the sylvan lanes of the ashram, the sun quietly setting in the western horizon, suddenly I find myself surrounded by a fragrance, sweet, strong and yet sublime? Is it not His boundless compassion, that when my mind left me tired with all its myriads worries and woes, and I sighed in despair unable to take it anymore, offering it all to Him, suddenly, as if in a trice, all the doubts dissolve and the ceaseless chattering gets drowned in an ocean of tranquility? The concern and love I saw in His eyes ten years ago, which remain etched in my heart as my most cherished and treasured moments, did I not feel it again this time- to be submerged in His ever watchful eyes,  as He filled my heart with hope, courage and conviction?

The hope that He will always be there, a witness to our every passing thought, a listener to our every little entreaty. The courage to face the travails and tribulations of life boldly, never getting swayed by the apparent challenges and seeming calamities.  And a conviction that He is ever ready to lift us to soaring spiritual heights only if we have the wisdom to surrender ourselves completely and unconditionally to Him!

Our Beloved has not left us. How can He? Only now He wants us to seek Him where He truly resides- deep and secure in the inner recesses of our hearts. The bond of love that ties us is beyond the constraints of time and space. If there is anything in the world that is timeless and ageless, it is this!

The Perennial Philosophy

This morning as I sat reading the introductory essay by Aldous Huxley to "Bhagavad Gita: The Song of God", I was deeply moved by the simplicity and sincerity of his exposition of The Perennial Philosophy in four succinct doctrines. The cogent and lucid manner in which Huxley brought out the essence of religion, touched an inner chord because it mirrored to a considerable extent my own deeper convictions and understandings. Of course each of these doctrines can be elaborated and magnified based on one's own perceptions and experiences, but are they not exquisitely beautiful in their inherent catholicity and directness?

At the core of the Perennial Philosophy we find four fundamental doctrines.


  First: the phenomenal world of matter and of individualized consciousness - the world of things and animals and men and even Gods - is the manifestation of a Divine Ground within which all partial realities have their being, and apart from which they would be non-existent. 


 Second: human beings are capable not only of knowing about the Divine Ground by inference; they can also realize its existence by a direct intuition, superior to discursive reasoning. This immediate knowledge unites the knower with that which is known.


 Third: man possesses a double nature, a phenomenal ego and an eternal Self, which is the inner man, the Spirit, the spark of Divinity within the soul. It is possible for a man, if he so desires, to identify himself with the spirit, and therefore with the Divine Ground, which is of the same or like nature with the Spirit. 


  Fourth: man's life on earth has only one end and purpose: to identify himself with his eternal Self and so to come to intuitive knowledge of the Divine Ground.

Why I believe in miracles

The most honest answer to that question would be - right from my early days of childhood, instances of personally experiencing most mind-boggling of miracles have been so numerous, that I cannot help but accept their validity in all humbleness. The number of times I have personally seen all the laws of Physics given a total toss out of the windows, to deny “miracles” would mean that either I have to doubt my own sanity or concede that I have been most cleverly manipulated and be-fooled on all those numerous occasions and had for some deep sense of inadequacy given into impossible credulity.The little self-respect I unfortunately have for myself, I have little choice but to reject both of these options. The only conclusion I am left with is that the known laws of science though works overwhelmingly on most  occasions, there do exist laws higher than these, which operates under special conditions, which are as real as perhaps the law of gravitation, but which with our present level of mental development is clearly beyond our comprehension. Or may be they will forever be beyond the machinations of the mind!

Now the question arises, what are those “miracles” that I have experienced that endows me with so much certainty about them?

I will perhaps answer that question on another occasion, but let us try to understand what exactly do we mean by "miracles"? To believe in them, does it inevitably mean that we possess a hopelessly weak and impressionable mind, that we are incredibly credulous and superstitious? Does it mean that we have completely given up all sense of judgment and reasoning? Does belief in miracles stem from a deep psychological inadequacy? Does it stunt our spiritual growth and deviate us from our actual goal of spiritual realization?

Let us try to explore these issues, which I think are quite important for all seekers of truth.

There is a temptation to think of miracles as something which cannot be explained by laws of science. Questions as varied as- how life gets implanted in a fetus, how and what makes us self-aware, how do our eyes and brain perfectly map the outer world inside our mind, what caused the big bang- are only a few to which today’s science offers no answer. Though in a broad sense such events can be thought of as miracles, in our common parlance these by itself do not constitute of what we mean by the term "miracle". Incredible as they are, we do not see them as miracles, because they have either worn out their sheen of evoking a wondrous response in us by their ubiquitous occurrence that we have taken them for granted, or they are so self-evident we hardly notice anything incongruous or exceptional in them. At any rate, though instances of most wondrous events still beyond the purview of science abounds,  we have for myriad reasons gotten inured to them.

So that leaves us with a narrower understanding of "miracles". Miracles are those fantastic events which basically defy the known laws of science. An incurable disease getting cured without any medication, experiencing a Divine revelation or having a profound epiphany, materialization of honey or may be blood from pictures of Divine personalities, multiplying food from only a couple of loaves, suddenly filling a room with a divine fragrance- these are only a few from the multitudes of miracles that have been experienced and recorded by the believers from four corners of the world, from almost all belief systems, throughout the history of mankind.

One can very well reject them outright, as products of flights of fantasy of people living in fool’s paradise. But what gives us this moral arrogance, authority and conviction to reject so many people’s deep personal experience, which many of them claim to have fundamentally altered their entire perception of life? Have we gained so much knowledge and understanding that we have acquired the authority to grant what is possible and what is not possible to fall under the purview of human consciousness?

We might ask for proof. A scientific proof. By definition a scientific proof of a particular phenomenon requires repeat-ability. It should be reproducible as predicted and without exception, if the required conditions are satisfied. But are not miracles, by definition those that lie outside the domain of our scientific paradigm? How can we employ tools of science to understand and comprehend something which lies completely out of it? Can we measure the depth of a lake by a weighing machine? Doesn’t it need a completely different approach?

What is then needed to understand and experience a miracle?

The first thing needed to experience a miracle is humility. Living in the age of reason and logic, we have become completely conditioned to reposing our total faith in our cognitive abilities, almost as superstitiously as the medieval man who was steeped in his religious dogmas. It is time we recognize the inherent inadequacy in accepting reason and logic as the only guiding instruments in our pursuit of truth. Without doubt, they are important, but we have faculties far more powerful than them. These are faculties of intuition, instinctive feeling, and an awakened conscience. But in the way we have ordered our lives and set our priorities, we give little importance to them. It is time we again open up to their true possibilities. At least we can start by acknowledging that even as we are on the zenith of knowledge and information, we know precious little of the most fundamental issues concerning ourselves and the universe we live in. Accepting this little fact will be enough to fill our minds with the required humility and deflate the balloon of arrogance and ego we have blown around us.  

The second thing we need is to re-invoke our lost sense of wonder. As a child, we looked at everything with fascination- everything was a source of joy and amusement. But as we grew up, we got used to the world around us. We gave up that sense of wonder. No longer was the shining rainbow or the fluttering butterfly to be reveled and marveled at, but to be analyzed and interpreted. Yes, we still do have moments of exhilaration and awe, but generally the world appears mundane and indifferent. That sense of wonder springs from an unsullied innocence, a spotless mind, a guileless heart - qualities for which we not only have little time in our race to conquer and acquire, but think of as naive, imbecile and impediments in the way of achieving our goals and aspirations. No wonder we feel more comfortable in being cynical and sneering. 

The third and the most important thing needed to witness a miracle is faith. Though it might sound like putting the cart before the horse- but it indeed is that to experience a miracle one has to invest in faith. Faith in a power that is beyond our ability of rational comprehension. Faith in a power that responds to our innermost prayers. Faith in a power that cannot be explained but experienced.  It is when we have this faith, that we would be open to the wondrous ways of miracles. It is because miracle is the language of this Power, it is the medium of Its expression. As rhythm and rhyme renders beauty to the ideas and words in poetry, it is miracles, acts of wonder which endows grace and glory to the power that animates and sustains all creation.

But, why do we need miracles? Isn’t the whole purpose and order of creation defeated when we have a set of laws governing it, only to be broken in most inexplicable of ways, for most incomprehensible reasons, and apparently almost randomly? 

This is a profound question-one that confounds even those who might otherwise be ready to concede a possibility to miracles.

Just as the purpose of a Presidential pardoning to someone given a death sentence by the highest court of law is not to undermine the entire judicial system, but to show that there are considerations beyond the realm of law and justice, similarly a miracle is not a denunciation of all laws that govern this universe, but a poignant revelation that there are laws that supersedes the gamut of laws that we have comprehended so far. Miracles are a pointer that there is more to the reality than meets the eye. 

Doesn't our preoccupation with miracles stunt our spiritual growth?

Yes it does, and it is here that we should be extremely cautious. Just as on a train journey, we might come across many a delightful sight, but we do not get so enamored by them as to give up the journey itself, miracles do happen as glimpses of higher realities on our pilgrimage to Truth. Miracles should be experienced, enjoyed, appreciated, but not to be followed. The purpose of miracles is to delight our hearts, to give us strength, to reassure us. In other words, they happen to nudge us on the journey that we have started. Or if we haven’t, then to awaken us from our slumber! But if we get caught up in it for itself, it will be like waking up for the alarm-clock, perhaps only to play with it, and not because of the alarm-clock, to be up and going  .

Another thing we need to be extremely careful and cautious of is to be able to discriminate between hysteria and a genuine miracle. A miracle transports one into a state of bliss, fills one with a sense of higher purpose, clears the darkness of confusion and doubts. But hysteria is one which excites, which does little to make one feel satisfied and content, which hardly imparts a deeper understanding or flashes a light of intuitive knowledge. Unfortunately,the general predilection among many believers to give in to the temptations of hysteria, ends up subjecting genuine miracles to much scorn and derision. And worse, it prejudices many an open minded person and deprives them of a deeper understanding of themselves and the world around them!

It is important to cover our feet with shoes and sandals while treading in the world, but when we go to a temple, we go in bare footed, leaving the foot-wear outside the sacred premises. It is time we regain our right to enter the realm of a higher reality, a reality which though remains obfuscated by the constant clutter of our minds, flashes the light of an intuitive understanding now and then to remind us of its undying presence. Miracles happens when that reality screams to get our attention. Let us not be so unfortunate as to refuse ourselves with its glorious possibilities.

Beholding you!

The waves breaking on the ageless rocks - splintering pearls, drops of sun;

The breeze unsettling the leaves - carrying in its bosom, the symphony of the ocean!

The azure sky fathomless, bright- a silent witness, lost in its own delight!

As I behold it all, soak in the sight divine,

I remember you - your roaring presence, your shimmering might!

I remember waiting for you: my heart expectant, my soul thirsty-

To hold you with my eyes - a glimpse of divine majesty!

The moments were long, the yearning intense!

What sadhana did I do before? What sacrifice? What penance?

That you have chosen to shower on me - the unbounded Grace of your effulgent Presence?

When suddenly the air stirred, a wave of exhilaration filled all space-

From afar I saw you  gliding in. All of creation stood in awe, in raptures and dazed!

O what beauty! What magical mystery!

All of nature danced in joy. But I forgot to breathe – as if in a spell!

My heart beating in wild trepidation- all thoughts dissolved, all I wanted was your Presence to hail!

You came nearer. My heart skipped a beat!

I tried to gather myself - when you come I have to greet!

This was the moment for which I have waited all my life, I have prepared night and day!

The doubts, the petitions, the prayers, which for long plagued my heart- all melted away!

Now at last the moment has come. But I find I have nothing to say!

As you came and stood before - your eyes fell on me!

It filled my being with bliss ineffable - in those eyes did I glimpse eternity?

Your face shone with the splendor of a thousand sun!

The effulgence blinded me not, but took my breath away!

I saw in it my beginning, my middle and my final day!

Agony!

The clouds will dissolve one day, the mist will disappear-
The journey seemingly endless, the destination unclear-
Will come to an end one day, all the wondering will be over!
In this hope I live another day, 
With this faith I draw my strength.


Today my heart is weary and also my mind is blurred;
Today my shoulders heavy, all music sounds so jarred;
Today I feel no felicity- to be happy seems insanely hard!
But this is not for real-someone softly whispers!
Just as this has come, surely it will pass!

Pursuit of happiness?

Happiness, is often touted as the holy grail of our existence, the undeniable raison d’être of almost all of our endeavors, the eternally elusive obsession of most sentient creatures.

Or is it?

While it is true that except for momentary fleeting flirtations, happiness seems to perpetually evade us, but perhaps, the stinging irony is not that happiness is frustratingly slippery-but that though we are perpetually trying to catch hold of it, we are most of the time inanely unaware of the pursuit!

What else can justify the splendidly incongruous, if not irreconcilable, way we go about our life and activities, with our desire to be happy?

Surely it sounds like a cliché, but still I think it won’t be too much of a wastage of our time to ponder upon these ‘banalities’ for a few moments, because in spite of being trite, they certainly ring a bell.  

We spend our youth in earning money, and then the money to regain the lost youth!

We invented technology to make our life easy and simple, but have ended up making it irredeemably hard and complex!

We have gadgets that have broken down all barriers and constraints of time and space and connected us to each other like never before, but we have today more broken families than ever before!

And we can go on listing even more instances of our collective imbecile short-sightedness, but I think the point has been made. Somehow we manage, almost every time to come up with something truly extra-ordinary, and then in an exceedingly ludicrous way, defeat the very purpose of it!  As if on a journey, unwittingly we get totally confused of the destination midway!

I do not know if we have more depressed people today than any time in the history of mankind, but how many of us can honestly claim, in spite of our relative material well being, to be content and satisfied, if not happy and blissful?

Or perhaps, even before that, do we have any coherent idea, what is it that really makes us happy? Yes, perhaps we have some notions- a job or a pay-hike, vacation, relationships, shopping, eating out, new toys (electronic gadgets or cars), perhaps a new house-but have we not acquired some of them if not all, at some point in the past? It sure did give us a high, but how lasting was it? How long did it take us to actually get over with it, and our insatiable mind was at it again getting caught up in the desire of acquiring the next cool thing?

I think it is not the problem that we acquired or did not acquire something. The problem is that even when we did acquire something, we somehow totally forgot that the point was not that thing per se,  but happiness. I think caught up, as we are in our scheme of things, in the way we have ordered our lives, in the way we have conditioned our minds- we hardly ask ourselves this inconvenient question- Now am I happy?

We are perhaps too caught up in satisfying our ego, than following our heart. When we are really happy, it’s not our ego that soars with joy, but it’s our heart that experiences the nectar of bliss.  And it is here perhaps, that most of us give a slip.

Are we really pursuing happiness? 


Perhaps the answer lies in our awareness of the question in the things we do, in the things we desire, and in the things we end up acquiring.