Hope, Courage, Conviction...

Last time I was there it appeared desolate, forlorn, and lifeless. My eyes pined to behold Him for one more time, get bewitched by his crown of hair and drenched in His heavenly beauty. But the cold white marble Mahasamadhi standing poignantly there in all its imperial majesty, silently yet strikingly proclaimed that those days of effortless darshans, those ecstatic thrills of stealing a glance, talking with Him, or perhaps handing Him a letter, are indeed over. That era had ended. A piercing pain wrenched my heart, when it finally dawned that I am never going to see Him again, ever. That beautiful form that took our breath away, that royal gait, that divine gesture which filled our heart with an indescribable rapture, we will never experience again. That inimitable and unimaginably sweet voice which expounded most intricate of concepts in deceptively simple ways, or sometimes just showered love and concern like no other, our ears will never hear again. That pure delight to be just in His presence would never be felt again. Last time when I was there I came back with my heart heavy, my mind over-shadowed with thoughts of separation.

Oh how terribly wrong I was!

This time as I entered the portals of the ashram, not only did those feelings of separation and loss cross my mind, but a myriad other questions evinced by my personal circumstances, clouded it even more. Will He be there to answer my questions like before? Will I return with my concerns gone, my confusions cleared? Earlier His one glance would transport me to a blissful state, instantly ridding me of all my miseries. Will that happen again?

 Oh how would He allay all my apprehensions, and emphatically make me aware of His ever enchanting presence!

It is true that my eyes did not see him like before, but how can I deny how intensely I felt His presence in everything I saw, in every direction I turned to? It is true He did not stretch His hand to take my letter this time, but how can I deny how He answered every prayer that rose in my heart? It is true I did not hear His sweet, comforting, reassuring voice like in the past, but how can I deny how I communed with Him for hours, until nothing more was left to be heard or asked? It is true His throne was empty, the white handkerchiefs fluttering listlessly. But how can I deny, the soft divine glow emanating from His pristine marble white Mahasamadhi, permeating the regal Hall with a surreal ethereal presence?

Oh how He loves us!

 Is it not His boundless love, that while walking absorbed in His thoughts in the sylvan lanes of the ashram, the sun quietly setting in the western horizon, suddenly I find myself surrounded by a fragrance, sweet, strong and yet sublime? Is it not His boundless compassion, that when my mind left me tired with all its myriads worries and woes, and I sighed in despair unable to take it anymore, offering it all to Him, suddenly, as if in a trice, all the doubts dissolve and the ceaseless chattering gets drowned in an ocean of tranquility? The concern and love I saw in His eyes ten years ago, which remain etched in my heart as my most cherished and treasured moments, did I not feel it again this time- to be submerged in His ever watchful eyes,  as He filled my heart with hope, courage and conviction?

The hope that He will always be there, a witness to our every passing thought, a listener to our every little entreaty. The courage to face the travails and tribulations of life boldly, never getting swayed by the apparent challenges and seeming calamities.  And a conviction that He is ever ready to lift us to soaring spiritual heights only if we have the wisdom to surrender ourselves completely and unconditionally to Him!

Our Beloved has not left us. How can He? Only now He wants us to seek Him where He truly resides- deep and secure in the inner recesses of our hearts. The bond of love that ties us is beyond the constraints of time and space. If there is anything in the world that is timeless and ageless, it is this!